- 1 What to get the mom who says she doesn t want anything
- 2 What to do when someone gives you something and you don t want it
- 3 What is cold mother syndrome
- 4 Am I allowed to say no to my mom
What to get the mom who says she doesn t want anything
Coach Pebble Leather Alana Tote – You can really never go wrong with getting your mom a new bag. This large, leather Coach bag is big enough to fit all of her essentials. There’s also protective feet at the bottom, so she can put it down without worries she’ll get it dirty.12 Best For The Mom Who Loves To Accessorize
What to do when your mom says no to everything?
How to Get Your Parents to Stop Saying No to You: 14 Steps
- 1 Choose a good time to make a request. Don’t request if your parents are in a bad mood or are busy with something else. You want their full attention so that they hear you out and perhaps become convinced that what you want is a good idea. Wait until your parents appear relaxed and at ease to make your request.
- For example, don’t make a request when your parents appear exhausted after a long day or more snappy than usual.
- 2 Make requests, not demands. Notice how you talk to your parents. Do you ask nicely for things or do you make demands? Get in the habit of asking and not telling or demanding. If you tend to demand things, your parents will likely say no. if you ask, they will feel like they have a choice and may be more likely to say yes.
- For example, instead of saying, “I want to go to that party” or, “Give me that popsicle,” say, “Can I please go to the party?” and, “Can I please have that popsicle?”
- 3 Negotiate to get what you want. Maybe your parents said no to something but you’re willing to put in some effort to change their no to a yes. Negotiate with your parents and find a way to sweeten the deal for them. For example, if you want an item, ask them for it as an early birthday present. Or, offer to do some extra chores for a month in exchange for something you want to do with friends.
- When negotiating, make sure your parents know what you’re willing to give up or do extra. You want the deal to appeal to them.
- 4 Be polite and use good manners when making requests. You should always treat your parents with respect, and it’s especially important to do so if you’re making a request. Say what you want with a smile and be kind and well-mannered. Say your words nicely and treat your parents kindly.
- For example, say, “Please” and “Thank you.”
- 5 Make realistic requests. It may be unrealistic to make huge requests of your parents. For example, if you want them to buy you a phone or a car, or a guitar, they may not be able to make these kinds of purchases. If your goal is to get your parents to say yes, make smaller requests.
- For example, ask your parents to let you go to a friend’s house when they know your friend’s parents. To make smaller requests, ask your parents for ice cream at the grocery store or to pick up your favorite cereal.
- 1 Show that you’re responsible. When making a request, show that you are upfront by gathering any information your parents might want. For example, if you would like to go to a party, tell them who’s going to be at the party, give them other parents’ phone numbers so they can check facts for themselves, and offer to set a curfew you will all be comfortable with. Your parents may be impressed with your level of responsibility.
- Give your parents a reason to say yes. Demonstrating how responsible you are can be that perfect reason.
- 2 Be honest with your parents. If you want something but are afraid your parents will say no, don’t hide it or do something behind their backs. Once they find out, they will be fearful that you’re hiding something and lose trust in you. Be honest with your parents and don’t deceive them.
- For example, if you want to attend a sleepover and are afraid your parents will say no, ask them anyway. While they might say no, it’s better than going and then getting in trouble later.
- 3 Keep the promises you make. For example, if you say that you will pay them back that $10, do it. If you told them you’d do the dishes in return for being allowed to stay out later, do the dishes before you leave or the second you get home. If they know that you’re true to your word, they’ll be more willing to say yes and trust you.
- 4 Be on your best behavior. If you misbehave or get into trouble often, it’s easier for parents to say no to you. If you want to make a request, lead up to the request by being on your best behavior. Do your chores on time, finish your homework, and be home when you say you’ll be home. Your parents will notice your good behavior and may be more inclined to say yes.
- If your parents have disciplined you a lot lately, hold off on making your request. Build back some trust, then try.
- 5 Don’t nag or pester your parents. If your parents say, “I’ll think about it” or “wait until tomorrow”, then wait until they have had time to think about it. Avoid nagging them or constantly asking them about your request. Give them time to think about it and get back to you.
- If you think your parents may have forgotten about something, gently ask them, “Have you given any more thought to what I asked for? Do you need more time?”
- 1 Resist the urge to argue or whine. If you don’t get your way, don’t whine or complain to your parents. They will not magically change their minds and say yes. Instead, be respectful and avoid arguing with them. Your parents won’t take you seriously if you behave like a young child.
- Even if you’re upset with your parents, stay respectful of them.
- 2 Ask them to explain why they said no. Without being annoying or nagging, ask your parents why they said no and if there’s any way they might say yes. See what roadblocks stand in your way and ask if there is anything you can do differently to get what you want.
- For example, your parents might say, “Well, your room is dirty and you haven’t cleaned the hamster’s cage this week.” You can finish your chores and then ask again.
- Really consider why they’re repeatedly saying no. Maybe it’s out of their means to give you the thing that you want, or they think your safety might be at risk.
- 3 Try to put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Sometimes parents have to struggle with things you might not be aware of, before they can give you the things you ask for. Think about what it might be like if you were working a job or two, managing bills, and trying to raise a child. You may still want the thing you’re asking for, but understanding where your parents are coming from might help you be more okay with their decision, or at least feel less angry towards them about it.
- 4 Thank them for what they do. If they say no to something, still show your gratitude to your parents. Even if you feel disappointed, find ways to thank your parents for what they do for you. Parents love to feel appreciated, and your appreciation might go the distance the next time you ask for something.
- Skip the sulking and instead, show your parents that you can handle disappointments and still feel grateful.
- Question I feel like I’ve tried everything to get my parents to stop saying no, but nothing works. What should I do? Licensed Master Social Worker Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. Try writing out your thoughts in a note or text message, as kindly and respectfully as possible. Do this when you’re in a calm and positive frame of mind. It might help you say what you need to say to your parents, without yelling or doing something you might regret later on.
- Question I really need to get my hair done for school, but I’ve gotten in trouble a lot lately and my parents said no. How can I change that? Licensed Master Social Worker Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. Unfortunately, your parents set guidelines and consequences as a way to keep you safe and show you how to be responsible. Don’t just tell your parents you’ll be better – show them! Obey their rules as much as you can and avoid getting into trouble.
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What to do when someone says no gifts?
Respect that person’s wishes. I have noticed that people often say no gifts but if you would like to make a donation to a charity instead pleas do so. Honor that request. Bring or send a card instead, congratulating or thanking the person or persons.
What to do when someone gives you something and you don t want it
Return what you can for a gift card – One of the easiest ways to deal with an unwanted gift is to simply return it. Most retail locations will accept returns without a receipt, providing you with a store credit (read: a gift card). You can then take that gift card and purchase something at the same retail location or sell it.
It’s a good idea to do your research before returning an item to a store. The first thing you’ll need to know is where the item was purchased. The easiest way to determine this is to ask the gift giver. Or if you’re afraid you’ll offend someone, simply search the probable store’s website for the item you want to return.
If you’re unable to find it on the site, try calling the store to double-check if they carry it. Sometimes items are available in a few stores and never added to the site. Walmart’s return policy for an item without a receipt is to issue a store credit for items over $25. Don’t get stuck with stuff you no longer want. Jason Cipriani/CNET
What do all moms want to hear?
‘ All your kids need is for you to love them.’ There is so much pressure that society puts on mothers and pressure that we put on ourselves, to do everything that our kids need. But the reality is, all our kids really need is for us to love them as best we can. That is it.
What is cold mother syndrome
What is cold mother syndrome? – A mother who exhibits emotional distance, lack of affection, and a restricted capacity to respond to her child’s emotional needs is said to have “Cold Mother Syndrome”. The child’s future psychological development, sense of self, and capacity for healthy relationships may all be negatively impacted by this emotional separation.
Whilst children develop their sense of their world, the main influencing factor upon how they respond to others is their attachment type with their primary caregiver, in most cases the mother. Ainsworth identified 3 main attachment types: Secure (Type B), insecure-avoidant (Type A) and insecure-resistant (Type C), all of which affect the child’s future relationships as it acts as a exemplar model.
In many cases a mother suffers the ‘cold syndrome’ due to childhood traumas which resulted in their attachment type with their own mother to be unhealthy; Type A or Type C, therefore they are incapable of having a healthy relationship with their child due to lack of affection during their own childhood.
Do I have mommy issues?
Signs of mommy issues – As mentioned, mommy issues can present themselves in both men and women. While these attachment issues are more commonly represented in men, the effects are generally rooted in a low-self esteem or a warped sense of self-worth. These are some common signs and symptoms of mommy issues, which can be displayed in both men and women.
Struggling with friendships and interpersonal relationships. Reactive to healthy boundaries and struggling to set boundaries. Craving constant validation and finding yourself worrying about abandonment. Low self-esteem. Struggles building trust in relationships. Insecure attachment style. Craving constant comfort and reassurance. Craving to feel taken care of and held emotionally. Struggling emotionally with being a parent yourself, this highlights it’s time to address some underlying issues related to the relationship with your mother.
These signs vary in intensity based on the kind of strained maternal relationship which caused these issues.
Am I allowed to say no to my mom
Sometimes our aging parents are demanding, and it’s hard for us to say “no”. They took care of us, and now it’s our turn. We feel guilty if we don’t comply with their demands. But is it always the wrong thing to refuse what is asked of us? Setting limits with aging parents is just as important with parents as it was for us to set limits with our kids.
- As our parents age, especially with memory loss problems, they may not realize how difficult their demands can be.
- I see a lot of harried caregiving adult kids out there, struggling to balance the care of parents with everything else.
- Work, our own families, spouses, and our own personal issues can make caring for aging parents particularly burdensome.
Dementia can turn an otherwise reasonable aging parent into someone who seems like a stranger. “He was never like that in my whole life!” a client exclaims. She’s talking about her Dad, who is now verbally abusive, and doesn’t remember it an hour later.
“My Mom is a complete other person now”, another client tells me. “I can hardly stand being around her, she is so rude and it’s really out of character from how she used to be”. If we’re going to protect our own mental health, we do have to say “no” sometimes. It’s critical. Our aging parents needs some form of control and we may have to be that control, just as we were with stubborn kids when we were raising them.
When memory loss affects an aging parent or the parent mistreats us, we may have to limit our contact with them. One colleague I know sees his mother rarely. He calls regularly, but visits are so stressful he has chosen to make them just twice a year. His sister gets along better with his difficult Mom, and they made an agreement that he can’t take the abuse so it’s all right not to visit in person.
- We need to get past feeling guilty.
- Every parent is not a nice parent and not every parent took good care of us when we were growing up.
- We don’t want to abandon them, of course, but the day-to-day caregiving doesn’t have to be on our shoulders if there are alternatives available.
- The right thing to do is to see that our aging parents are safe and protected from harm insofar as possible.
Some parents refuse help and seem to prefer a kind of misery to getting help. We can’t necessarily stop them! We can accept our limitations. An aging parent’s mental incompetence is the only thing that will allow the law, in the form of guardianship, to intervene when a parent’s refusal of help becomes a true danger, beyond a worrisome risk.
- If they want us to do the caregiving and we find it too much to bear, then we must say “no” to save our sanity.
- If your own difficult parent is verbally, physically or emotionally abusive, it could be because of dementia.
- That helps us understand why they act that way, but it doesn’t help us when we are feeling hurt while feeling guilty at the same time.
I have been through this myself. My mentally ill mother would “go off” and be extremely hard to deal with for everyone. We didn’t want to turn our backs on her, but we didn’t want to be in the path of the awful behavior either. She was in an assisted living facility for years and did pretty well there.
- When she got abusive with staff, they’d send her off to the mental hospital again.
- There were times when I had to grit my teeth, steel myself and take a deep breath before making the weekly phone call to see how she was.
- Other times, it was fine and she was so glad to talk to me.
- What I learned from this is that during those difficult times, I absolutely had less contact with her.
I did not see her much or for very long. She made ridiculous demands and I said “no”. I was rather lucky, I guess, because the difficult behavior eventually seemed to pass for a time and she could be very pleasant for that temporary period. Before she died, she did express her appreciation for many of the things my husband and I did for her.
- I know that I did the best I could to help her and to be sure she was safe in her last years.
- I have no guilt.
- I do feel a special kinship for anyone out there whose parent is more than a little wacky and who keeps up trying to be helpful and decent.
- Remember that all this does pass eventually.
- You can only accept what you are able to take without breaking down yourself.
Don’t put up with too much from an aging parent. Being a good daughter or son doesn’t mean that you become a whipping post. We can all learn from the ones whose aging parents are the worst, to distance ourselves when needed. Count a good phone call, visit or a good day as a blessing.
What to do when your mum doesn’t want you?
Work With a Therapist – One way you can address the confusion and pain of feeling unloved or even hated by your mom is by going to therapy. A qualified mental health professional can guide you through unpacking the complexities of your relationship with your mother, and how her treatment of you has made you feel.