- 1 Does a child need their mother or father more
- 2 Do Americans take care of parents
- 3 Who is the legal parent in the Netherlands
- 4 What is the paternity law in the Netherlands
- 5 Does the father of a baby have the right
- 6 What is the blame culture for parents
- 7 Who has stronger genes mother or father
- 8 What is the role of mother and father in parenting
- 9 What are the 7 roles of a father
Does a child need their mother or father more
Father and mother – children need both of them for healthy development. It is less about gender-specific role models and more about biological sex itself. When mom and dad are equally available, babies prefer. both, Swedish family therapist Jesper Juul says.
- He does not believe in the thesis that mothers are more important in the first three years of the child’s life.
- Are father and mother not only equally important but ultimately interchangeable? That is not how Juul wants to be understood.
- His therapeutic experience has shown for several decades that children who have access to both parents “get along better and develop more harmoniously.” Especially in the first four years, during the crucial bonding process between parents and children, children would have to “experience and integrate both “flavours.” The advantage for children: a doubling of their social skills.
That is why Juul encourages parents in his book “Leitwölfe sein – liebevolle Führung in der Familie” (Lead wolves to be – loving leadership in the family) to give their children orientation. “The secret of shared leadership between mother and father is to create the space for their differences to have an impact.”
What are the 7 roles of parents?
Parents play seven roles. The seven roles that parents play include: the parent as nurture, in adult relationships, as an individual, as a worker, as a consumer, as a community member, and as an educator. Parents have all these roles which make their life more difficult, but a teacher could make it easier.
Teachers look for ways to support parents in the seven different roles of parenting, which help parents a lot. First of all, teachers can include practical ways to support parents in the nurturing role of parenting. Two possible ways that I believe teachers could support parents are by giving the child homework activities (takes up to ten minutes) that they have to complete with both their mother and father or by organizing activities after show more content Teachers could be extremely helpful to parents when they are low on money.
The information that teachers could give parents is valuable. If teachers know of any special deals that parents would like to know about, they could let them know about it. It will help parents to save a couple of dollars. Teachers could also help parents find out about resources, such as the food bank or government help.
- They could also make a suggestion to the parents that one of them should work night shifts and the other morning shifts.
- This will help save the money that they would have to spend on childcare.
- If not, then “child care is necessary to pay for some kind of after school care until parents return home from work,” (Gestwicki, Page 67) which is really show more content They have a hard time because they don’t know what to teach their child.
Teachers could help parents by scheduling an appointment to talk with each parent. Talking to a teacher will impact the life of a parent because they’ll know what their child needs to learn. It will also help the teacher know what their students have already learned.
- They should also recommend articles on the types of parenting styles there is.
- Learning about them will assist the parent in knowing what’s best for their children.
- From what I’ve read, it is better to be an authoritative or assertive/democratic parent.
- Happier situations result for children when parents are authoritative because parents recognize “children’s needs for guidance and direction while understanding and accepting the slow process of children’s learning about the world” (Gestwicki, Page 72).
Authoritative parents are also warm and
Do Americans take care of parents
In fact, 22 million Americans are caring for parents or older relatives, according to the AARP.
Who is more likely to get custody of a child in the US?
Divorce cases have constantly been on the rise among American families over the past few decades. The termination of a marriage by itself is just one among many other pertinent considerations couples have to face along the divorce process. Others are property division, child support, spousal maintenance, and of course, the elephant in the room; child custody.
Historically, women have always had the upper hand in being awarded child custody. Statistics show that women win child custody rights a staggering 90% of the time, even though fathers play an important role in their children’s lives pre and post-divorce. Although each divorce case is unique (and should be treated that way), the main cause for this, in most cases, is the traditional notion and presumption that the mother is always better suited to take care of the children’s emotional needs.
In contrast, families only needed the father for financial contributions. The best way a father can fight for his children’s custody and overcome cultural and legal bias is by getting the most qualified and experienced attorney, which is our specialty here at Genesis Family Law and Divorce Lawyers.
Are you responsible for your parent?
Can I be forced to care for my elderly parents? – In the U.S., requiring that children care for their elderly parents is a state-by-state issue. Some states mandate that financially able children support impoverished parents or just specific healthcare needs.
Is parenting a big responsibility?
Parenting is such a big responsibility, and I don’t mind sharing with you, before becoming a parent I really thought I got it. I was managing branch teams from age 21 and really thought I understood the pressure my parental staff members had, I didn’t have a clue.
There is just so much to think about, not only keeping them safe, warm, fed but all the life skills we need to teach them can be overwhelming; it starts off with getting dressed, being polite, brushing teeth, riding bikes, swimming, being kind, the list goes on but as they get older, we have a massive responsibility to get them ready for adulthood.
Some of this will be taught behaviour by what they see, I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know that children solidify generational habits by age 10. As they see you doing a task in a particular way their brains will tell them that’s the only way to do it, you are their idol! Of course, there will always habits they rebel against but on the whole, they are looking for you to show them the way!! When it comes to money habits this is also the case except children decide their relationship/value of money from age 7, this feels so young! So, what can we do as parents to financially educate our children? Firstly, talk about money.it is still such a taboo subject which again is a generational habit.
Teaching our children not to fear money and to have an open relationship is a great starting point. Secondly you can work on your own relationship with money so that you naturally display solid habits without even realising. If you want to know more and how you can tackle this then feel free to take my Money Languages™️ https://www.savvypeacocks.co.uk/five-money-quiz,
Lastly, it’s invaluable to use everyday examples in your home to teach them about money and how to handle it in adult life, my FREE cribsheet ‘20 ways to teach to children about money’ will be a good place to start https://www.savvypeacocks.co.uk/#ABOUT In case you haven’t noticed, I am extremely passionate about this.2022 will see Savvy Peacocks starting a massive project all around financially educating 14-18 with a formal certification.
- This needs to be prioritised the same as helping them gain their driving license, passing their GCSEs and all the other things you might do to prepare them for adulthood.
- Please also share with anyone you know who has teenagers aged 14-18 as we are on a mission to teach 20,000 students this year so really need your support.
You can play your part, let’s break down the money taboo together! Hope you all have a great week, whatever you are up too.
Can parenting ever be equal?
Why Equal Parenting Takes Ongoing Work – Take a look around most parent-teacher organizations, and you’ll likely see a disproportionate number of moms in the room. Societal expectations for the unpaid labor of women stretches from our homes to our schools, workplaces, and beyond.
Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, D.O., psychiatrist, and Chief Medical Officer at LifeStance Health said that unfortunately, women frequently experience a gender bias when it comes to societal expectations around parenting. “It’s important to remove the stigma and gender bias often associated with parenting roles.
Equal parenting can exist if both parents are open and honest with each other about their needs and collaborate effectively to ensure that one person doesn’t become responsible for taking on the majority childcare and household responsibilities.” Dr.
Anisha Patel-Dunn, D.O. Psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at Lifestance Health A recent study published in Plos One showed the idea of women being better multi-taskers is also a common misconception. This study showed that women do tend to process information faster and men did a better job at tasks with spatial relations, but one sex was not actually better at dividing attention when it came to multiple tasks,
Women manage to do it all and on top of it, make it look easy. Maybe that’s part of the problem. We manage to work, take care of the household, cook, clean, AND raise our children, so in our partners’ heads, we’re making them think we’ve got everything under control.
And even when partners offer to help more, we might say OK and then realize that things would be better handled by us. Alas, we end up doing the same task over again. I know I’m guilty of this, and research shows I’m not alone. So, to be fair, there may be a reason partners sometimes just step back and let moms handle more.
But taking on too much can be a slippery slope toward resentment, burnout, or partners using weaponized incompetence to avoid doing task they actually do know how to do.
Who is the legal parent in the Netherlands
What is parental authority and how do you obtain parental authority in the Netherlands? – If you have parental authority, you are responsible for the care and education of your child. With parental authority, you may, among other things, manage the assets of your child, perform legal acts, and decisions about medical treatment, school choices and relocations.
- The mother from whom the child is born automatically (“by operation of law”) has parental authority over the child.
- The father or co-mother obtains this right automatically if he or she is married to or has a registered partnership with the birth mother.
- For a co-mother, the (known) donor may not have already recognised the child.
If a child is born out of wedlock or in a registered partnership, joint parental authority can be applied for at the court. The co-mother or father must have recognised the child (this is done at the municipality), for example, when registering the birth of the child.
If a parent does not cooperate in obtaining parental authority, the court can be asked for substitute permission. For this proceeding, you need to have the assistance of a lawyer. As a parent, it is important to get this parental authority so that you can make important decisions about your child(ren).
Politicians are working on amending the law to give parents who recognised the child also automatically the parental authority, so that they are no longer dependent on the consent of the other parent. If parents separate and they have joint parental authority, in principle, both parents retain joint authority.
What is the paternity law in the Netherlands
Acknowledgment of paternity – In the Netherlands, if a man and a woman are married or are in a registered partnership and have a child, the mother’s husband is automatically designated the child’s lawful father, whether or not he is the child’s biological father.
Does the father of a baby have the right
Biological parents have a right to seek legal or physical custody of their child or child visitation, regardless of whether they were married or not when the child was born. As a father, you are still a biological parent, and so you have as many parental rights to your child as their biological mother does.
Why do parents never take responsibility?
They miss a double opportunity to grow – Photo by Tadeusz Lakota on Unsplash “When parents don’t take responsibility for their own unfinished business, they miss an opportunity not only to become better parents but also to continue their own development. People who remain in the dark about the origins of their behaviors and intense emotional responses are unaware of their unresolved issues and the parental ambivalence they create.” So many parents sideline their own growth for so many reasons.
- Sometimes we feel that we don’t have time because we’re simply too busy providing and tending and maintaining.
- Other times we feel that we are now living for our children and we lose our personal identity as merely being “super” mom or dad.
- That does a disservice to ourselves and our children.
- Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J.
Siegel and Mary Hartzell point out that most parents want to be good parents and even have a lot of the knowledge of how to do it “right,” but find themselves unable to access and apply their knowledge in the moment when things are intense. The authors draw on psychobiology, attachment theory, and Bowenian concepts to illustrate how greater self-knowledge can get you to a point where you can parent optimally as opposed to going with your knee-jerk reaction and simply putting out fires.
A great book whether you have children or not. This book explains how our childhood experiences shape our reactions, feelings, and the way we perceive parenthood — and we’ve all had parents. Reflecting opens the door to conscious awareness, which brings with it the possibility of change. Conscious change means growth, and that’s usually where we need to begin to change unhealthy systems.
How often do you take the time to reflect on your own behavior first?
At what age should your parents stop supporting you?
This may seem like your fate, given the tough economy for young adults, but you don’t have to write a blank check. These strategies will help you launch your kids on the path to independence without risking your own financial security. – Steve and Darlene Goldstein could be on a crash course to a difficult reckoning.
- With a six-figure annual income, they shouldn’t have a worry in the world.
- But Darlene recently retired as a substitute schoolteacher, and Steve, 68, a program manager for a national security technology company in Las Vegas, wants to join her.
- Only he can’t—not while the couple is still supporting their daughter, Abby, 25, a yoga instructor who lives more than 1,200 miles away.
To assist Abby with rent, utilities, and other living expenses, the Goldsteins have forgone home improvements, and Steve just pushed his retirement date out two more years. While he feels fortunate to be able to help, the financial drain is a real concern.
- He and Darlene know the outflow must stop.
- The sticking point, says Steve: “My wife and I don’t agree on the timeline.” Like millions of parents with adult children who in one way or another remain on the family ticket, the Goldsteins are trapped between wanting to soften their daughter’s entry into the real world and making their own financial security the top priority.
In what feels like a blink, an era of extended child dependency has taken root across the country. Psychologists have a name for it: emerging adulthood, a new and possibly permanent life phase squeezed between the teen years and, say, 28 or 30. Who cares what you call it, though? Most parents with one eye on retirement just want to know: Will we be paying for our kids forever? Fortunately, the answer in most cases is no.
- Still, if you are wearying of the endless dry-cleaning, cellphone, and insurance bills that your adult children are sending your way and you want to accelerate their launch, you may have to offer tough love instead of hard cash.
- For now, though, few parents seem willing to push back with any vigor.
- Two-thirds of people over 50 have financially supported a child 21 or older in the past five years, Bank of America Merrill Lynch found last year.
“Family dynamics are evolving,” says David Tyrie, head of retirement and personal-wealth solutions at Merrill. “Adults are living longer, people are retiring later, and millennials are making life choices vastly different than their parents did.” Studying the same phenomenon, a 2013 Pew Research Center report shows even more startling figures: Among adults ages 40 to 59 with at least one grown child, 73% said they’d helped support an adult son or daughter in the prior year.
Half of those middle-aged parents said they were their grown child’s primary means of support—in some cases because their offspring were still in school but also, more than a third said, for reasons other than education. In another study, Pew found that nearly a quarter of 25- to 34-year-olds are now living with parents or grandparents, up from 11% in 1980.
“It’s not at the margins,” says Ken Dychtwald, CEO of Age Wave, a consultant on the aging population. “It’s kind of everybody.” The statistics raise many questions. Not least: Why are so many young adults failing to launch? The financial crisis and weak recovery, and the overhang of soaring student loans, explain a lot.
Only about half of adults ages 23 to 26 and at least one year out of college have a full-time job, according to a five-year longitudinal study from the University of Arizona. Meanwhile, outstanding student debt has risen threefold, to $1.2 trillion over the past decade, according to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.
As a result, there is no longer a stigma to living at home while you pay down your debts and explore your passions. “We’re seeing kids choose to live at home for a while to build an emergency fund and get a cushion for when they are on their own,” says Alexa von Tobel, CEO of the financial website LearnVest.com.
To some, that may look like mooching. Yet building savings while looking for the right career can improve the odds of kids remaining independent when they finally move out. In some ways this is as much a demographic story as it is a financial one. Little more than a century ago there was no such thing as adolescence.
You were a child to 13, and then you went to work. As human life stretched out, we made room for the teen years, when kids could experiment and go to school longer. Now we’re expanding that life phase once again to where twentysomethings can go to graduate school or try a few personal pursuits before settling into a long career.
- You could argue we institutionalized this life phase in 2010, when the Affordable Care Act required employers to cover children’s health care to age 26.
- Whatever the reasons, the fact is that these young adults are costing their parents a lot of money.
- A Money survey earlier this year found that 30% of parents helping to support grown children spend at least $5,000 a year on their kids.
Most are willing to make big sacrifices to do so, if necessary. Six in 10 parents in the Merrill Lynch study said they are willing to work longer, 40% to go back to work, and 36% to live with less if that’s what it takes to help their kids. Meanwhile, the National Endowment for Financial Education found that more than a quarter of helping parents say they have taken on additional debt as a result (see the graphic on page 70).
- And many more parents may have to settle for a less comfortable retirement than they had planned.
- It’s also unclear what effect this extended support will have on the long-term well-being of the kids.
- Do grown children really benefit from another five to 10 years of nurturing? Or are we coddling them beyond reason, creating a generation of lifelong dependents? What you want is to strike a balance—to provide just enough support to help set your child up to be happy, productive, and self-sufficient without undermining yourself.
The following moves point the way. The fundamental question to ask yourself when deciding whether to give or continue assistance to your adult child, suggest family wealth consultants Eileen and Jon Gallo, co-authors of The Financially Independent Parent: Will providing money help your son or daughter become self-sufficient or instead prolong his or her dependence? That’s exactly the kind of thinking that prompted Michael Golden, 67, of Clovis, Calif., and his late wife to give their 30-year-old daughter $26,000 toward the down payment on her first home two years ago.
And Golden, a retired state criminal investigator, plans to do the same for his son, 33. Golden has enough income from his pension to get by and has long planned to provide this help from savings. “The kids will eventually inherit it anyway,” he says. “Why not give it to them when they can really use it?” His parents did the same for him, and he believes early homeownership gave him an invaluable leg up to building financial security.
“Both kids have been saving the best they can,” Golden says, “but it’s hard with entry-level jobs. I know, because my wife and I went through it too.” Lori Gibson, 53, and daughter Courtney, 24. Courtney’s parents are helping with groceries and other living expenses until she can make it on her own in New York City.
Sam Comen Golden is doing at least a couple of things right. First, he has run the numbers and is confident the gifts won’t set back his own plans. Second, he has chosen to bestow a one-time bounty meant to jump-start a fruitful life. Similar types of financial support include anything you might call a startup cost—a security deposit, a new wardrobe for work, furniture, a reliable (not necessarily new) car, a finite amount of small-business seed money, or picking up the cost of relocating for a job—in other words, payments that will help your children help themselves.
Steve Goldstein, for instance, recently picked up the $5,000 tab for daughter Abby’s move from Chicago to Dallas, where she’s landed a job as the assistant manager of a yoga studio. The position pays $33,000 a year—a big jump from the $14,000 she made last year as an instructor.
- For the first time since Abby graduated from college in 2011, Steve and his wife will no longer be paying their daughter’s rent, though they’ll continue to cover groceries, insurance, and her cellphone bill.
- Do I feel guilty that my father isn’t retiring when he expected to because he’s supporting me? Yes, of course,” Abby says.
“But the more settled I get in my new job, the more they can bow out.” Continuing education and vocational training also come under the heading of expenses the Gallos believe are worth chipping in for—if you can afford it or the sacrifices you make to pay them don’t seriously undermine your long-term security.
- They point out that many young people change focus several times before settling on a career.
- Helping them figure out what they really want to do and get trained for it can be money well spent.
- Consider Tatung Chow, 54, a software engineer in San Jose, who had just finished paying for his daughter’s undergraduate degree in visual arts when she decided she wanted to be a fashion designer.
Sylvia is now pursuing an MFA at a fashion design school in San Francisco, and Chow and his wife, a sales administrator, are looking at three more years of tuition and living expenses that will run $90,000 to $120,000. “Since we’re spending part of our retirement money for her education, my wife and I need to work an extra year each,” Chow says.
- Still, he has no qualms.
- I don’t want my daughter to look back 40 years from now and have this regret that she didn’t get to see if she could be a designer,” he says.
- We are doing whatever we can to help her fulfill her dream.” The majority of parents shell out a lot less than the Goldsteins and Chows.
According to the Money survey earlier this year, parents who are helping an adult child most commonly spend $1,000 to $5,000 a year, often for everyday expenses such as cellphones, utilities, Internet and cable bills, and car and health insurance. The Merrill Lynch study found a similar breakdown, except for this top answer: More than a third of the parents polled said they didn’t know what expense they were covering; they just gave money.
Ongoing support for living expenses isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but, says Ted Beck, CEO of NEFE, you should “understand what you are paying for and exactly how it will help.” Reserve your assistance primarily or exclusively for needs, not wants—let Junior sign up at a fancy gym, buy the latest tech gadget, or go away for the weekend with friends on his own dime or not at all.
Be frank in outlining the limits of your support, says Beck, so that your child is motivated to work for a better lifestyle. You’ll feel better about lending a hand if you know your kid is working hard to be self-sufficient and that there are solid reasons that he can’t fly solo yet.
In Jon Boisselle’s case, for instance, the obstacle standing between him and financial independence is the $400 a month he pays toward his student debt. Boisselle, 25, has a degree in biology and a full-time customer-service job for a biotech company in Portland, Maine. He mostly scrapes by on his salary, but relies on his mom and dad for help with heating, vet, and medical bills and one-time expenses like car registration.
To save money, Boisselle also does his laundry at his parents’ house, and his mom always sends him home with bags of groceries filled with frozen meat and fresh produce. “I feel irresponsible taking money from my parents,” he says, but his student debt makes it impossible to break free yet.
“They’re completely supportive, but I know they’ve sacrificed a lot for me.” Sometimes it takes stronger action to push an adult child toward independence. Maureen Kolb, an executive coach who lives in Milwaukee and is part of a blended family with six adult children, knew enough was enough three years ago when the family was at the college graduation of her son, Danny Kerns, and noticed his name wasn’t in the program.
He’d fallen three credits short and had to stay on campus over the summer, at family expense, to finish. He didn’t complete the coursework then either, and moved home to take yet another class at a local college in the fall. “He was sitting around, taking one class, and had nothing else to do while I was paying his bills,” recalls Kolb, 53.
- I told him to get out and come back when he had a job.” Maureen Kolb, 53, and son Danny, 25.
- Watching her son string out the one class he needed to get his BA for months without working, Mom got fed up and told him to get out and not come back until he had a job.
- Three days later, he was employed.
- I had to get angry before I did something,” Maureen says.
Adds Danny, “I grew up a lot between 23 and 25.” Sam Comen A few days later Danny came home in a blue Best Buy uniform. “I put her through so much,” he says. “I see that now.” Danny finished school that semester and now has a good job in business-to-business sales, which his Best Buy experience helped him land.
- I grew up a lot between 23 and 25,” he says.
- Adds Kolb: “So much of this you don’t even realize until you are staring at it.
- I had to get angry before I did something.” Ask yourself: How hard is your child looking for work or applying herself at the job she has? Opportunities and promotions don’t just happen, and the adult child who isn’t held accountable may never step up her game, says psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, author of 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.
Plus, allowing adult children to live beyond their means thanks to Mom and Dad’s blank check inadvertently sends the wrong signal, Bernstein warns: that they aren’t able to make it on their own and you will always take care of them. The upside to extended support: Especially when kids are living at home, many parents enjoy the extra time together and develop a closer connection, Pew found.
- And those adult children often pitch in: The NEFE study found that 42% contribute in nonfinancial ways such as cooking and cleaning, while 75% contribute with dollars, commonly by chipping in for rent or the mortgage, groceries, utilities, and gas.
- In exchange for her parents’ help with everyday expenses, Courtney assists remotely with her mom’s Orlando boutique and wine bar by maintaining her website, sending out marketing emails, and doing social media.
Sam Comen With kids who are living at home, it’s especially important to insist on contributions to the household if they haven’t stepped up. The message is simple and will serve them well: You don’t get something for nothing. So charge rent—even if all you do is set the cash aside for them so that they have a little savings when they finally launch, suggests von Tobel at LearnVest.
- Or invest the money in a Roth IRA in their name.
- And it’s only fair that they do their share of the laundry, cleaning, and shopping.
- Your children don’t have to live at home for you to gently suggest that they make some kind of contribution to the family to “earn” your financial help.
- For instance, Courtney Gibson, 24, who moved to New York City from Orlando two years ago, relies on her family to pay for her cellphone, health insurance, and utilities—about $500 a month.
Otherwise, Courtney, a sales associate at an upscale department store, couldn’t afford her dream of living in the city. Her parents are supportive, but mom Lori, 53, who owns a boutique and a wine bar, says, “I try to make her work for it.” Courtney maintains the websites for her mother’s businesses, sends out promotional emails to customers, and manages social media.
Still, Courtney says, “it’s embarrassing to be getting help from my parents when I’m 24 with a full-time job, but my mom tells me not to feel bad.” Says Lori: “Everyone needs help when they’re starting out.” One thing’s for sure: As much as you love your kids, you should think hard before sending them money that takes a meaningful toll on your own lifestyle—and it’s unfair for the kids to expect that from you, says financial planner Stephen Tally, CEO of the BFT Financial Group in Fort Worth.
They are young; they have options. Borrowing isn’t perfect, but at least they have time to pay it back. On the other hand, you have only so many years left, and you have worked hard to be able to enjoy them. Sometimes Tally says he comes across clients who plan on helping their kids financially to the day they die—until he lays out for them what that might look like.
Tally does a quick net-worth calculation, then translates that into a monthly income stream based on the purchase of an immediate annuity. He adds any income from a pension and Social Security. When he puts that figure next to the clients’ expected expenses, they are usually ready to make some changes.
Tatung Chow, 54, and daughter, Sylvia, 23. After paying for his daughter Sylvia (far left) to get her BA in visual arts, Tatung and wife Lynn, 54 (shown here with younger daughter, Charleen, 16) are now picking up the tab for an MFA in fashion design.
That will delay their retirement plans by at least a year. Sam Comen Consider an affluent parent offering grown kids annual support of $10,000. It may not seem like much when you take it apart: maybe $300 a month for rent, $50 a month for a cellphone, $150 for insurance, $200 to $250 for a car lease or loan, and maybe $100 toward college debt.
Say you do this for five years. Had you banked that $50,000 instead and earned a 7% annual rate of return from ages 52 to 67, you would have an additional $121,045. Even at today’s low rates, that’s enough to buy about $720 of monthly income guaranteed for life.
If you rolled that savings into a deferred fixed longevity annuity, it would buy about $3,000 of guaranteed monthly income beginning at age 85—a cushion that might keep you from ever needing to worry about outliving your savings. “Psychologically it’s really hard to tell someone if they stop paying for their kids everything will be okay,” says Tally.
“But they don’t see what the amounts may look like 15 years from now. You have to show them.” Once you have decided the gravy train must stop, clear communication with your children is key. Most kids don’t realize how much the support they receive is costing you because, well, you’ve probably never told them.
Here are some guidelines for at long last cutting the financial cord: Be honest about the impact. “Let them know there is no trust fund,” says Beck. “You are making real tradeoffs to support them. That usually accelerates the time frame.” Abby Goldstein, for instance, does not realize the extent of her parents’ support.
“I don’t have any idea,” she says. “You have to ask my dad.” Steve, on the other hand, has the amounts down pat, ranging from a high of $46,400 in 2012 to a projected $23,600 this year; next year, he’s hoping that will drop to $12,000. By continuing to work, he’s managed to cover Abby’s needs and his and his wife’s (they also give some help to an older son).
- Steve says, “The catalytic event will be my retirement.” Those are facts his daughter should know.
- Create a concrete plan to end aid.
- Ids and parents often have different ideas about when support should stop.
- In the Money poll, parents helping adult children generally believed kids should be independent by age 25, but acknowledged that in their own situation, 30 was more likely.
Young adults put those ages at 27 and 32, respectively. Don’t make it a guessing game. First, assess the monthly support you’re providing now, then decide on a time frame for tapering off (say, three to six months from now), and map out the path to zero outlay in perhaps a year or two, says Lisa Heffernan, who blogs about adult children at grownandflown.com.
Then—and this, of course, is the hard part—stick to it. “The things they ask for in many cases are things that we did without, and it did us no disservice,” Heffernan says. Stay on as their financial coach. One of the benefits of supporting adult kids is that parents and offspring often end up talking more about money than might otherwise be the case—what it takes to run a household, how to stay out of debt, how to advance in your career.
Keep those discussions going even after you’ve shut down the Bank of Mom & Dad. You might also treat them to a session with a financial adviser or introduce them to tools that can help them manage their money at sites like mint.com, budgettracker.com, budgetpulse.com, and learnvest.com.
- Notes Beck: “Parents are still the No.1 source of information about money.” Steve Goldstein plans on having such a conversation with his daughter before his retirement.
- He’s also given both his kids personal finance books and offered to send them to a money-management course—though neither has taken him up on it yet.
“If I don’t work with my daughter to help her move forward to a career rather than a job, then even with the dollars I’m giving her, I’m not parenting successfully,” he says. “I need to be accountable for raising a person who contributes to society.” Additional reporting by Kerri Anne Renzulli.
What is the blame culture for parents
We Live in a Culture of Blame – As parents, we expect our children to do what so many people don’t – take responsibility. Nothing is more irritating than hearing your child whine, “It’s not my fault!” Kids often blame their teachers for their academic performance and their siblings for their misdeeds.
And why not? Blaming others is modeled for our children daily by adults, their peers, and the news. It’s so easy to focus on others when something goes wrong that we often don’t even realize we’re doing it too. Blaming others has become so widespread that it’s striking when someone actually does take responsibility.
In a meeting recently, a co-worker made the statement, “You know what? I didn’t follow through with that task. I apologize. It was my fault. I’ll do it now, and it won’t happen again.” It was refreshing to hear those words. I complimented the woman afterward on taking personal accountability for her actions.
Who has stronger genes mother or father
Study Finds Father’s Genes Are More Dominant March 4, 2015 / 5:27 PM / CBS Boston BOSTON (CBS) – Mothers always seem to take the blame for how their children turn out, but at least in one very important area, your father is to blame. Most people feel as though they look more like their biological mom or biological dad.
They may even think they act more like one than the other. And while it is true that you get half of your genes from each parent, the genes from your father are more dominant, especially when it comes to your health. Researchers at the University of North Carolina, School of Medicine discovered this pattern in mice, and it could have huge implications for how diseases are inherited.
So, for example, if you inherit a bad mutation, it may have more of an impact on your health it comes from your father than if it came from your mother. First published on March 4, 2015 / 5:27 PM © 2015 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved. : Study Finds Father’s Genes Are More Dominant
Why are daughters closer to their mothers?
Based on the findings, brain chemistry is responsible for that. According to that same study, conducted on 35 families, the part of the brain that regulates emotions is more similar between mothers and daughters than any other intergenerational pairing.
Does every girl need a father?
Fathers or father figures play a significant role in the lives of young women. They can significantly impact a girl’s wellbeing, growth and journey through life.
What is the role of mother and father in parenting
Unique Role of Fathers – The visibility of fathers in child development is growing. Fathers are publicly informed about positive impacts of their presence on child functioning ( Cabrera and Peters, 2000 ). Community programs and policies take serious actions to encourage fathers to become more involved in their children’s lives ( Tully et al., 2017 ).
A past study has extensively documented fathers’ critical role in children’s cognitive, social, and educational developments across cultures and developmental periods (see Jeynes, 2015 ; Rollè et al., 2019 for reviews). For instance, in the United States, early adolescents having involved fathers have lower levels of internalizing and externalizing problems compared to those with uninvolved fathers ( Day and Padilla-Walker, 2009 ).
Similarly, among Mexican immigrant families, although mothers spend more time with childcaring, fathers’ time spent in academic care increases children’s academic performance ( Hossain and Shipman, 2009 ). Overall, father and mother involvement were equally associated with students’ academic achievement ( Kim and Hill, 2015 ).
- Past studies conducted in the Turkish context also supported the positive impact of father involvement.
- For instance, the quality of father-daughter relationship was a strong predictor of adolescents’ well-being ( Sağkal et al., 2018 ).
- Moreover, both mothers’ and fathers’ parenting behaviors separately predicted primary school students’ academic performance, although mother effect was stronger ( Erdoğdu, 2007 ).
A previous study has suggested a number of qualitative and quantitative differences between fathers’ and mothers’ roles in various child outcomes across developmental stages. For instance, Chen et al. (2000) found that mothers and fathers contributed to different developmental outcomes in the Chinese context, whereas maternal warmth was related to child emotional adjustment, paternal warmth was related to social and academic achievements.
- Verhoeven et al.
- 2012) found that mother and father parenting dimensions had unique effects on child anxiety across different periods; maternal over-control was more predictive of anxiety in early years, whereas paternal over-control was more predictive during adolescence.
- In another study, Lv et al.
(2018) examined the effect of parental involvement on children’s multidimensional (i.e., academic, emotional, and social) self-efficacy profiles. They found that the effect of fathers’ and mothers’ educational aspirations varies across different self-efficacy profiles.
- Fathers’ educational aspirations predicted children’s high self-efficacy profiles, while mothers’ educational aspirations prevented children to be in the low level of self-efficacy profile.
- These observed differences seem to stem from different functions of maternal and paternal parenting goals and strategies.
Mothers mainly focus on providing emotional support and nurturing, while fathers mostly provide guidance to their children about future behaviors ( Jeynes, 2016 ). In a meta-analytic study, Jeynes (2015) showed that although both fathers and mothers affect child development through different pathways, fathers’ unique role was held for both younger and older children as well as for girls and boys, especially in academic achievement.
- Documented differences between mother and father effects may depend on the way children relate to their parents.
- For instance, Turkish adolescents perceive different levels of affection, control, autonomy, and discipline from their parents.
- Children perceive their mothers as more affectionate than their fathers, while they perceive their fathers as more controlling, disciplining, and autonomy-granting than their mothers ( Sunar, 2009 ).
One of Turkey’s largest foundations supporting positive parenting, AÇEV published a comprehensive report titled “Involved fatherhood and its determinants in Turkey” in 2017. This report shows that traditional fatherhood defined with characteristics of patriarchal authoritarian parenting is still common in Turkey.
- However, there also exists an emerging new traditional fatherhood,
- Fathers of this type are similar to traditional fathers in their attitudes toward masculinity but different from them in showing more affection to their daughters in their relationships.
- These two types of traditional fatherhood are the most prevalent types in Turkey.
Moreover, as an optimal type, involved fathering is characterized by care, control, and affection and is seen in metropolitan cities among egalitarian families. Collectivistic values of Turkish culture still characterize fatherhood roles in Turkey as being less emotionally but more instrumentally and financially involved ( Ataca, 2009 ).
These characterizations seem to affect children’s perception of maternal and paternal parenting ( Sümer and Kağıtc̨ıbas̨ı, 2010 ). Therefore, in this study, we mainly aimed to investigate how perceived paternal parenting behaviors affect children’s academic self-efficacy over perceived maternal parenting behaviors.
To better understand fathers’ unique parenting role in child academic self-efficacy, we systematically compare it with mothers’ effect. Fathers’ involvement and parenting behaviors are also critical for harmony (consistency) between parents as well as coparenting ( Jia and Schoppe-Sullivan, 2011 ; Fagan and Cabrera, 2012 ).
Are both parents responsible for raising a child?
4,184 Views CSS, PMS Solved Essays | Both Parents Should Assume Equal Responsibility in Raising a Child The essay is attempted by Sumiya Amjad on the given pattern, which Sir Syed Kazim Ali teaches to his students, who have consistently been qualifying their CSS, and PMS essays. 1- Introduction
1.1- Both parents should assume equal responsibility in raising a child 1.2- Co-parenting promotes balanced development, enhancing the child’s emotional well-being and contributing to gender equality 1.3- The collaborative nature of co-parenting provides positive role modelling for the child, showcasing healthy teamwork and cooperation between the parents
2- Understanding the term co-parenting 3- Why should both parents assume equal responsibility in raising a child?
3.1- For inculcating confidence in a child Case point: A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology finds that children who are brought up under co-parenting exhibit higher levels of self-esteem and confidence
3.2- For growing the cognitive development Case point: Research conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development suggests that children who have consistent and supportive involvement from both parents tend to have better cognitive development and academic performance
3.3- For improving the emotional well-being of a child Case point: A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that children who have shared parenting arrangements exhibit lower levels of stress and anxiety
3.4- For developing a sense of stability and security in a child Case point: According to a report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, children who have regular and consistent involvement from both parents have a greater sense of stability, leading to improved psychological and emotional security.
3.5- For breaking gender stereotypes Case point: A study published in the Journal of Family Issues suggests that children develop more egalitarian views of gender roles when parents share household and parenting responsibilities equally.
3.6- For improving the performance of the child in school Case point: Research conducted by the University of Illinois at Urban a-champaign found that children who have been brought up through co-parenting tend to have higher academic achievement, improved school attendance, and reduced behavioural problems.
3.7- For developing a sense of teamwork in the child Case point: A study published in the Journal of Family Studies revealed that children raised in co-parenting arrangements develop a stronger sense of teamwork and collaboration, which positively influences their social skills and relationships.
4- Benefits of Co-Parenting for Parents
4.1- Both parents have time to build their careers and incomes 4.2- More Equality in Parenting 4.3- Better Relationship Between the Parents 4.4- Positive Role Modelling
5- What if co-parenting is not done?
5.1- Leading to limited emotional support and guidance for the child. 5.2- Hindering cognitive development and academic performance.5.3- Creating instability and potential negative impact on the child’s well-being.5.4- Reinforcing gender inequalities and stereotypes.5.5- Limiting the child’s opportunities for future success.
6- Critical Analysis 7- Conclusion Sharing equal responsibility between parents in raising a child is crucial for the child’s overall development. Fostering emotional well-being, cognitive growth, and a sense of stability and promoting gender equality help create a solid foundation for the child’s future success.
In today’s rapidly evolving society, traditional gender roles are being challenged, and the idea of shared parenting responsibilities is gaining recognition as a progressive and beneficial approach. Moreover, the progressive parenting style inculcates confidence in the child, contributes to the child’s cognitive development, and improves the psychological well-being of a child.
Furthermore, co-parenting challenges traditional gender stereotypes by breaking down barriers and promoting gender equality. Besides, co-parenting benefits the child and offers advantages for the parents themselves. It allows both parents to have time to build their careers and incomes, fostering personal and professional growth.
Additionally, the collaborative nature of co-parenting provides positive role modelling for the child, showcasing healthy teamwork and cooperation between the parents. However, the absence of co-parenting can harm the child’s development. Limited emotional support and guidance, hindered cognitive development, instability, reinforced gender inequalities, and restricted opportunities for future success are some potential consequences when co-parenting is not practised.
To sum it all up, parenting is not a responsibility of fixed gender, for both parents are equally important for a child’s mental, social, and emotional well-being. Co-parenting refers to a collaborative approach where both parents play an equal role in raising their children. It involves sharing decision-making, joint involvement in the child’s daily activities, and a commitment to effective communication. By embracing this parenting style, both parents create an environment that fosters the child’s overall well-being and development.
- Co-parenting creates an environment of support, encouragement, and validation, which directly impacts the child’s self-esteem and confidence levels.
- According to the Journal of Family Psychology, when both parents are actively engaged in the child’s life, providing emotional support and affirming their abilities, the child develops a strong sense of self-worth and belief in their capabilities.
Furthermore, co-parenting encourages open communication between parents, which positively impacts the child’s confidence. When parents communicate effectively, discuss important decisions, and involve the child in age-appropriate conversations, it fosters a sense of trust and belonging.
- The child feels valued and respected, knowing that their opinions and input matter.
- Active participation in decision-making processes helps them develop confidence in expressing their thoughts, ideas, and preferences.
- At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of the parents.” — Jane D.
Hull Co-parenting also provides a conducive environment and contributes to the academic success of a child. The involvement of both parents in the child’s education, including helping with homework, reading to the child, attending parent-teacher conferences, and providing academic support, has been linked to improved school performance and intellectual growth.
According to the Report of Child Development 2022, children who have shared parenting arrangements tend to have higher academic achievement and improved school attendance. Adding more to it, Adding more to it, Co-parenting exhibits lower levels of stress and anxiety in children, and regular and consistent involvement from both parents creates a greater sense of stability for the child.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports, “Children who have regular and consistent involvement from both parents have a greater sense of stability, leading to improved psychological and emotional security.” Besides, Co-parenting helps children understand that both men and women can be nurturing caregivers and active providers.
- Exposure to different gender roles increases understanding of gender equality.
- It encourages children to embrace their individual strengths and interests rather than conforming to societal expectations based on gender.
- By actively participating in co-parenting, both parents become role models for their children.
Sons and daughters observe their fathers engaging in household chores, nurturing their siblings, or participating in school activities. Likewise, they witness their mothers taking on leadership roles, making decisions, and contributing to the family’s financial stability.
These experiences challenge traditional gender norms and instill a sense of equality and empowerment in children. The Journal of Family Studies revealed that “children raised in co-parenting arrangements develop a stronger sense of teamwork and collaboration, which positively influences their social skills and relationships.
“Thus, Co-parenting plays a crucial role in breaking gender stereotypes. By sharing household and parenting responsibilities equally, parents challenge traditional gender roles and promote more egalitarian views. Co-parenting is also beneficial for parents in many ways.
First, a collaborative approach to parenting creates a supportive and balanced environment that allows parents to thrive individually and in their partnership. When responsibilities are shared equally, parents can pursue their professional goals without compromising their parental duties. Second, Co-parenting promotes equality between parents in terms of caregiving, decision-making, and household responsibilities.
It also prevents the burden of parenting from falling solely on one parent, fostering a more equitable distribution of duties. Third, Co-parenting strengthens the bond between parents, fostering a healthier and more harmonious relationship. The shared commitment to raising the child creates a sense of unity and teamwork within the family.
- Fourth, Engaging in co-parenting allows parents to become positive role models for their children.
- When children witness their parents working together, respecting each other’s roles, and supporting one another, they learn important values such as cooperation, respect, and effective communication.
- These valuable life lessons lay a strong foundation for the child’s own future relationships and parenting skills.
When co-parenting is not practiced, it can have detrimental effects on both the child and the parents involved. Without the active involvement of both parents, the child lack emotional support and guidance, leading to feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and a reduced sense of belonging to the child.
Moreover, the absence of co-parenting can reduce opportunities for learning and decrease motivation to excel academically of a child. Further, in the absence of co-parenting, gender inequalities may be reinforced, as one parent may assume most of the parenting responsibilities while the other is less involved.
This can perpetuate the notion that certain tasks and responsibilities are gender-specific, limiting the child’s understanding of gender equality. Hence, the absence of co-parenting can have significant negative consequences for both the child and the parents.
It results in limited emotional support, hindered cognitive development, instability, reinforced gender inequalities, and limited opportunities for the child’s future success. The notion that both parents should assume equal responsibility in raising a child is not without its challenges and criticisms.
Critics argue that biological and societal differences between men and women may naturally lead to different roles and strengths in parenting. However, supporters argue that equal responsibility fosters a more balanced upbringing, provides diverse perspectives, and promotes gender equality.
While challenges exist, striving for equal parenting roles can lead to a more fulfilling and supportive environment for the child, ultimately benefiting their overall development and well-being. In conclusion, both parents assuming equal responsibility in raising a child is crucial for the child’s overall development, emotional well-being, and cognitive growth.
Co-parenting not only promotes gender equality but also creates a stable and nurturing environment for the child. By actively participating in shared parenting, parents contribute to their child’s success and lay the foundation for a more equal and inclusive society.
What are the 7 roles of a father
SMTF Reflections – September 9, 2021 – SMTF Reflections Stephen Kendrick outlines seven roles that a father plays in the life of his family: provider, protector, leader, teacher, helper, encourager, and friend. When you think about your own father, which of these qualities did he do well? Which did he struggle with? If you are a father, spend time considering in which areas you succeed or struggle.
What are the responsibilities of a father?
Latter-Day Saints Perspective Every man who fathers a child has a moral and sacred responsibility to his son or daughter. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families” (¶ 7).
- Fathering can be very rewarding – and very demanding.
- From a spiritual perspective, fathering is both a joyous blessing and a challenging, sacred responsibility”.4 A father’s active involvement profoundly affects his children and generations to come.
- Children who have fathers who are involved in their lives – whether the children are biological, adopted, or stepchildren – have a better chance of excelling socially, emotionally, and academically.
Children need fathers to provide them with the necessities of life, such as wholesome food, clothing, and shelter in a safe neighborhood (whether he lives with his children or not). As a father provides this stability, his children feel secure and have higher self-worth.
- They’re better able to develop normally, including performing well in school, developing healthy relationships with peers, and achieving in their individual interests.
- A father is also responsible for providing emotional, social, and spiritual protection and support for his family.
- Children need affection from their fathers, both physical and verbal.
They need reassurance, kind and loving discipline, and spiritual leadership. Active participation in religion often helps fathers be more involved with their children. Religious fathers are more likely to be positively involved physically, mentally, and emotionally with their children.
- Religion can help men see that being a father is a “sacred service to God and not just a social role”.3 Not only children benefit when a father is involved.
- Their father, too, benefits.
- As his children look to him as an example of how to express feelings and emotions, he learns about empathy, sensitivity to emotions, and how to express his own emotions.
When a father hears his child crying or knows his child is hungry, he becomes more caring and nurturing and learns to put others’ needs ahead of his own. Many men feel there are barriers that keep them from being involved. They might feel inadequate as a provider or unprepared for the emotional demands of fatherhood.
Show genuine interest in your children’s daily experiences. Ask them questions about what they do each day. Open-ended questions (“What did you like best about your field trip?”) offer more chance for discussion than yes-no questions (“Did you learn anything?”)
- Attend parent-teacher conferences at your child’s school. Rearrange your schedule if you need to.
- Spend time listening and talking about your child’s day.
- Choose an interest you and your child both share and plan activities around that interest.
- Attend your child’s events, such as sports games, music recitals, plays, school events.
- Tell your child stories about things you experienced when you were his or her age.
- Include your child as you plan vacations and trips so you go to places and do things that interest him or her.
Below are ideas for how fathers can relate to their children in specific age groups. Infants
- Talk to your infant in a pleasant soothing voice, using simple language.
- Play with your baby.
- Feed your baby, change his or her diaper, be part of bedtime routines, and go to doctor appointments.
- While bathing your child, play-act with toys like boats, ducks, water wheels, cups, and saucers, etc. Don’t be afraid to act over-dramatic.
- Take your child to a park with swings, low slides, and small climbing equipment. Stay alongside her as she plays.
- Show love and affection by hugging, kissing, wrestling, tickling, giving horse rides.
- As you help your child dress, teach him how to tie shoes, undo buckles, and do up buttons or zippers.
- Tune in to the moments when your child is spontaneously adventurous, such as deciding to build a fort with sheets and blankets and be willing to drop things so you can join her.
Six- to eight-year-olds
- Work on a project together that integrates different skills, such as science, math, art, social development, and language. For example, build a play store, buy an aquarium, produce a family newspaper, make a nature collection, make a book, build something out of wood, etc.
- Work together mowing the lawn, trimming the edges, weeding, planting, fixing the car, etc.
Eight- to twelve-year-olds
- Coach your child in how to handle difficult social situations by giving him hypothetical scenarios. For example, ask your child: “If someone’s bullying you on the playground, what can you do about it?” Then discuss options for handling the situation.
- Work together planting and caring for a garden, fixing a bike, building a model airplane, organizing the garage, etc.
- Set aside a time when you and your spouse can discuss with your teenager his or her future plans and goals, including high school activities, dating, college, marriage, career, etc.
- Meet your teenager’s friends. By making your house available for parties, watching videos, or informal gatherings, you can more easily meet and have fun with your teenager’s social group.
More ideas can be found at http://fatherwork.byu.edu Suggested Reading Farrar, S. (2003). Point man: how a man can lead his family. Portland, OR: Multnomah Meurer, D. (2002) Stark raving dad!: A fairly functional guide to fatherhood. Grand Rapids, MI: Bethany House.
- Amato, P.R. (1998). More than money? Men’s contributions to their children’s lives. In A. Booth & A. Crouter (Eds.), Men in families (pp.241-278). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
- Bartkowski, J.P., & Xu, X. (2000). Distant patriarchs or expressive dads? The discourse and practice of fathering in conservative protestant families. Sociological Quarterly, 41(3), 465-485
- Dollahite, D.C. & Hawkins, A.J. (1998). A conceptual ethic of generative fathering. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 7(1), 109–132.
- Hawkins, A.J., Spangler, D.L., Hudson, V., Dollahite, D.C., Klein, S.R., Rugh, S.S., et al. (2000). Equal partnership and the sacred responsibilities of mothers and fathers. In D.C. Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our families: an in-depth look at the proclamation on the family (pp.63–82). Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft.
- King, V. (1994). Non-resident father involvement and child well being: Can dads make a difference. Journal of Family Issues, 15(1), 78-96.
- Levine, J.A., & Pitt, E.W. (1995). New expectations: Community strategies for responsible fatherhood. New York: Families and Work Institute.
- Marks, L.D. & Dollahite, D.C. (2001). Religion, relationships, and responsible fathering in latter-day saint families of children with special needs. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(5), 625–650.
- Palm, G.F. (1993). Involved fatherhood: A second chance. Journal of Men’s Studies, 2(2) 139-155.
- Single-Rushton, W., & Garfinkel, I. (2002). The effects of welfare, child support and labor markets on father involvement. In C.S. Tamis-Lemonda & N. Cabrera (Eds.), Handbook of father involvement: Multidisciplinary perspectives (pp.409-427). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
Throughout the world today, many cultures and societies are focusing more on fathers’ roles and responsibilities. Many men want to be more involved fathers than their fathers were. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.
Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners”. (¶ 7) While fathers have always been responsible for providing material needs and physical protection, more and more it’s expected – and recognized as healthy – that they provide emotional, social, and spiritual protection and support.
These are sacred and moral obligations. Fatherhood is not easy. Like motherhood, it’s hard work. It’s complex and demanding, and it requires sustained effort.7 Every father can expect to face problems as he tries to honorably meet his responsibilities. As he does, the children in his care will benefit enormously, whether they’re biological, adopted, or stepchildren.
- He, too, will find great rewards.
- Fathering is potentially the most satisfying and probably the most demanding task that the life cycle has to offer them; they sense that the experiences of child rearing are about as enjoyable and about as difficult as life usually gets”.20 Children Need Involved Fathers As fathers have become more involved with their children, researchers have been studying what benefits come from father-child interaction.
Recent studies have found that children whose fathers are involved in their lives benefit in many ways. They –
- have a better ability to form relationships with others, 9
- are more likely to have a secure and trusting relationship with their parents, 5
- tend to be less hesitant or fearful when faced with new and unusual experiences,
- are more likely to explore the world around them, 18
- have fewer problems overall, 1 and
- are more likely to experience feelings of sympathy or compassion as adults.12
Preterm infants whose fathers interacted with them in the hospital are more likely to gain weight, leave the hospital faster, and adjust to their environment.15 Children Need Fathers Who Provide Providing financially for the family is an important way fathers can be involved in their children’s lives.
Without food on the table, a bed to sleep in, and clothes to wear, children can’t move beyond survival mode.4 When possible, fathers should also make sure their children go to high-quality schools and have things that help them succeed, such as books, computers, and lessons.1 King found that children whose fathers (custodial and non-custodial) provide financial support do better in reading, math, and other areas in school.11 Fathers who live with their children can be more involved in daily activities with their children, such as meals, homework, yard work, and baths (for younger children).
Generative Fathering Family researchers sometimes use the term “generative fathering” to describe fathers who consider it a privilege and an obligation to give the next generation the best possible start in life. According to Dollahite and Hawkins (1998), generative fathers resist stereotypes that say they’re supposed to be providers and disciplinarians.
- Fathers are under the obligations of an ethical call from their children and communities to meet their children’s needs.
- The needs of the next generation come first over the needs of adults. Children don’t always have to take precedence over adult needs, but they usually do.
- When fathers have important choices to make, they keep uppermost in their minds the impact on the next generation.
- Fathers can and should connect with and care for their children in meaningful ways regardless of role expectations.7
Religion Can Help Men Become Better Fathers A 1998 study found that the driving force behind many fathers’ involvement with their children is their faith.13 Dollahite says, “If a father believes that God has called fathers to care for, protect and provide for, and teach and bless their children, then fathering becomes sacred service for God, not just a social role”.7 He further says: Religious faith can provide fathers,
- With a sense of identity and purpose, a meaning structure, a set of moral guidelines, social support in times of relational difficulty, and spiritual resources for personal and relational transformation.7 Merely professing faith or belonging to a religion isn’t enough.
- It’s active religious involvement that gives men a greater desire to be there for their children.
Researchers Loren D. Marks and David C. Dollahite found in a 2001 study that going to church meetings reminded men of their responsibility to their children, encouraging them to be better fathers.16 Fathers who attend church are also more likely to be involved in both religious and non-religious youth activities.21 Religious fathers tend to be more emotionally involved with their children and show more emotional warmth toward them compared to non-religious fathers.3 Wilcox studied religiously involved conservative Protestant fathers and found they were more likely to interact one-on-one with their children and were more likely to have dinner with their families.21 Fathers Benefit from Involvement with Their Children Involved fathering is good not only for children but also for fathers.
Children help fathers regulate, express, and learn sensitivity to emotions. Involved fathers learn quickly that their children look to them for an example of how to show anger, disappointment, sadness, happiness, and excitement. This tends to make fathers take a closer look at how they show – or don’t show – their own emotions.17 “Emotions are deepened as men form connections with children and share in their feelings., A child’s direct and intense emotions remind men that their own emotions have often been over-controlled and denied”.17
Children help fathers become more caring and nurturing. When a father is involved, he learns new ways of caring, nurturing, listening, and expressing affection.17
Children help fathers gain empathy. Every father who spends time with his young children finds out he has to deal with their intense and changing emotions. As he learns to interpret his children’s feelings, he gains empathy.17 In a comparison between Japan and the United States, Ishii-Kuntz found that fathers whose children report frequent child interaction are more likely to view themselves as understanding and emotionally close parents.10
Children help fathers learn to delay gratification. When men have to take responsibility for their children’s needs, they learn to delay their own needs to focus on their children. For example, a father may feed his hungry child before he feeds himself, teaching him the valuable principle of delayed gratification.10
Children help fathers gain an expanded sense of self. One researcher found that men describe a sense of esteem that comes from their role as fathers. When their first child is born, they find a new sense of self that comes from the fulfillment of simply producing a new life.17 As they become involved in their growing children’s lives, a positive self-image continues to grow.10
Children cause fathers to examine themselves closely. Children are constantly reflecting a parent’s values and behaviors. They copy all kinds of adult behavior – good and bad. Many fathers, for example, are rudely awakened to their vulgar language habits when their child starts repeating what they say. This innocent reflection of their coarser selves causes most men to re-examine themselves and see what they need to change for the benefit of their children. Children also can prompt fathers to look at their beliefs and values. Fathers may change behaviors like church attendance to ensure they are passing on good values to their children. “Children put pressure on fathers to be as good as they want their children to be”.17
Overcoming Barriers to Good Fathering Every father experiences barriers to involved fathering. Gadsden, Pitt, and Tift identify some of those barriers and how to overcome them:
Poor education. This limits employment options for fathers and makes it harder for them to provide for their families.8 Men can overcome this barrier by going to a trade school, community college, or university and making themselves more marketable.
Isolation, poverty, and hopelessness. Low-income fathers who live in poverty-stricken areas tend to experience a sense of isolation and hopelessness about their future. They may not know how to plan for the future or have much information about how to be a good father.8 This barrier can be overcome by doing everything possible to find work and education in a more economically stable community. A major change like this isn’t easy, but it can be done with persistence and determination.
Lack of preparation for fatherhood and family life. Young men need to be educated about parenting and its responsibilities.8 They need to be prepared for the hard work and sacrifice day-to-day fathering requires. Attending classes in junior high and high school, such as Adult Roles, where students are taught about the responsibilities of marriage, finances, and child rearing can help.
Beliefs about the roles of men and women. Sometimes ideas about masculinity and femininity devalue the personal qualities needed for involved fatherhood. The common idea that men should control and suppress their emotions interferes with creating a healthy family life and a nurturing environment for children. Society’s messages that say men need to control while women need to take care of the home keep men from playing an active role in family life.8
Men can resist these beliefs by rejecting the idea that participating in traditionally feminine activities means they are any less male. Men can be fully male while also learning about child care and child development, sharing feelings with their children and spouse, preparing meals, doing laundry, and cleaning the house.
Underestimating how much work it takes to be a good father. Good fathering, like good mothering, doesn’t come automatically. It’s a skill that develops with time and effort.8 When a father arrives home from his job, his work isn’t over. It’s the time for him to assume his role as a father in the home, a role that is both hard work and lots of fun.
Practical Ideas for Becoming More Involved with Your Children Fathers can do many things to become more involved with their children. The following ideas are adapted from http://fatherwork.byu.edu, Ideas for fathers with children of any age:
Express love, concern, appreciation, and forgiveness often. Give verbal affection, including praise, thanks, and “I love you’s.”
Show genuine interest in your children’s daily experiences. Ask them questions about what they do each day. Open-ended questions (“What did you like best about your field trip?”) offer more chance for discussion than yes-no questions (“Did you learn anything at school today?”)
Attend parent-teacher conferences at your child’s school. Rearrange your schedule if you need to.
Spend time listening and talking about your child’s day.
Choose an interest you and your child both share and plan activities around that interest.
Attend your child’s events, such as sports games, music recitals, plays, school events.
Tell your child stories about things you experienced when you were his or her age.
Include your child as you plan vacations and trips so you go to places and do things that interest him or her.
For fathers with infants:
Talk to your infant in a pleasant soothing voice, using simple language.
Listen to and respond to sounds your child makes and imitate them. Take turns babbling.
Engage your infant in frequent face-to-face, one-on-one interactions that include cuddling, tickling, smiling, hugging, kissing, and making eye contact.
Play with your baby.
Feed your baby, change his or her diaper, be part of bedtime routines, and go to doctor appointments.
Ideas for fathers with toddlers and preschoolers:
While bathing your child, play-act with toys like boats, ducks, water wheels, cups, and saucers, etc. Don’t be afraid to act over-dramatic.
Take your child to a park with swings, low slides, and small climbing equipment. Stay alongside her as she plays.
Play with your child using different mediums, such as sand, water, rice, beans. Use funnels, measuring cups, a waterwheel, shovels, buckets, etc. Be creative and explore.
Go fly a kite or go on a picnic.
Show love and affection by hugging, kissing, wrestling, tickling, giving horse rides.
As you help your child dress, teach him how to tie shoes, undo buckles, and do up buttons or zippers.
Tune in to the moments when your child is spontaneously adventurous, such as deciding to build a fort with sheets and blankets and be willing to drop things so you can join her.
Provide children’s books with lots of repetition in them (for example, There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly; Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See; The Napping House) This encourages pre-reading skills because they can memorize or anticipate what the words say.
Ideas for fathers with six to eight-year-olds:
Work on a project together that integrates different skills, such as science, math, art, social development, and language. For example, build a play store, buy an aquarium, produce a family newspaper, make a nature collection, make a book, build something out of wood.
Teach your child specific skills such as how to fish, throw a ball, do a flip on the trampoline, do magic tricks, swim.
Be aware of your child’s homework assignments. Be available for help and make sure he completes them.
Work together mowing the lawn, trimming the edges, weeding, planting, fixing the car.
Ideas for fathers with eight- to twelve-year-olds:
Coach your child in how to handle difficult social situations by giving him hypothetical scenarios. For example, ask your child: “If someone’s bullying you on the playground, what can you do about it?” Then discuss options for handling the situation.
Work together planting and caring for a garden, fixing a bike, building a model airplane, organizing the garage.
Have fun together by going to the zoo, an amusement park, a fair, a national park, a nearby lake.
Ideas for fathers with teenagers:
Set aside a time when you and your spouse can discuss with your teenager his or her future plans and goals, including high school activities, dating, college, marriage, and career.
Meet your teenager’s friends. By making your house available for parties, watching videos, or informal gatherings, you can more easily meet and have fun with your teenager’s social group.
Go with your teenager to do errands. This is a natural way to be with her and communicate with her without it being a formal “sit down and talk” session.
Written by Jeremy S. Boyle, Research Assistant, and edited by David C. Dollahite and Stephen F. Duncan, Professors in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. References
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- Bartkowski, J.P., & Xu, X. (2000). Distant patriarchs or expressive dads? The discourse and practice of fathering in conservative protestant families. Sociological Quarterly, 41(3), 465–485.
- Christiansen, S.L., & Palkovitz, R. (2001). Why the “good provider” role still matters: Providing as a form of Paternal Involvement. Journal of Family Issues, 22(1) 94–106.
- Cox, M.J., Owen, M.T., Henderson, V.K., & Margand, N.A. (1992). Prediction of infant-father and infant-mother attachment. Developmental Psychology, 28(3), 474–483.
- Dollahite, D.C. (1998). Fathering, faith, and spirituality. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 7(1), 3-15
- Dollahite, D.C. & Hawkins, A.J. (1998). A conceptual ethic of generative fathering. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 7(1), 109–132.
- Gadsden, V.L., Pitt, E.W., & Tift, N. (2001). Research can practice on fathers in high-risk families: exploring the need and potential areas for collaboration. In J. Fagan & A. Hawkins (Eds.), Clinical and educational interventions with fathers (pp.257–283). New York: The Haworth Clinical Practice Press.
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- Latshaw, Jason S. (1998). The centrality of faith in fathers’ role construction: the faithful father and the axis mundi paradigm. The Journal of Men’s studies, 7(1), 53–70.
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When a man chooses to become a father, he also chooses to assume sacred responsibilities that come with that role. Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have reminded fathers of their responsibility to provide for the spiritual, temporal, and emotional needs of their families, to protect their wife and children, to lovingly preside in the home, and to be a spiritual leader in their homes.
President Gordon B. Hinckley explained a father’s responsibility to meet his family’s needs as follows: 4 Those needs are more than food, clothing, and shelter. Those needs include righteous direction and the teaching, by example as well as precept, of basic principles of honesty, integrity, service, respect for the rights of others, and an understanding that we are accountable for that which we do in this life, not only to one another but also to the God of heaven, who is our Eternal Father.
Providing for Temporal Needs The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that fathers “are responsible to provide the necessities of life. for their families” (¶ 7, ¶ 33). President Howard W. Hunter explained that fathers “have the responsibility, unless disabled, to provide temporal support for wife and children.
No man can shift the burden of responsibility to another, not even to his wife”.5 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel”. In some cases, fathers legitimately cannot meet this responsibility.
Of these circumstances, the Proclamation says, “Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed” (¶ 7).5 Providing Protection The Proclamation also says that fathers “are responsible to provide.
- Protection for their families” (¶ 7).
- Children need a sense of security, and Howard W.
- Hunter described how fathers can provide this security: “A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities.
- Tender expressions of love and affection toward children are as much the responsibility of the father as the mother”.
Providing Leadership in the Home The Proclamation states that “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness” (¶ 7). President Spencer W. Kimball said fathers should carry out this duty “as Jesus Christ presides over his church—in love, in service, in tenderness”.6 President Hinckley taught fathers that ” is the basic and inescapable responsibility to stand as head of the family”.4 Some men think that to preside is to have power over their wife and children, but President Hinckley explained that “a father’s responsibility does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship or unrighteous dominion”.5 President Boyd K.
- Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles emphasized that husbands and wives should work together as equals: 7 In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together.
- While the husband, the father, has responsibility to provide worthy and inspired leadership, his wife is neither behind him nor ahead of him but at his side.
In some cultures men are taught that fathers and husbands should be dominating and authoritarian and should make all important decisions. But the gospel teaches otherwise. Elder Richard G Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: 9 That pattern needs to be tempered so that both husband and wife act as equal partners, making decisions in unity for themselves and their family.
- No family can long endure under fear or force; that leads to contention and rebellion.
- Love is the foundation of a happy family.9 The Doctrine and Covenants teaches that “no power or influence can or ought to be maintained.
- Only by persuasion, long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile” (121:41, 42).
When fathers follow this counsel, they will earn the respect of their wives and children, helping them become more effective in their role. Providing Spiritual Leadership Perhaps the most important part of a father’s role in his home is providing spiritual leadership.
Elder F. Melvin Hammond of the Seventy said: 3 Every father in the Church should function as the patriarch of his home. He should take the lead in spiritually guiding the family. He ought not to delegate nor abrogate his responsibilities to the mother. He should call for family prayer, family home evening, scripture reading, and occasional father interviews.
He is the protector, the defender, and the kindly source of discipline. It is the father who should lead, unify, and solidify the family.3 President Ezra Taft Benson offered ten ways fathers can become better spiritual leaders: 1
Maintain your worthiness so you can give father’s blessings to your children. Baptize and confirm your children. Ordain your sons to the priesthood. These will become spiritual highlights in the lives of your children.
Personally direct family prayers, daily scripture reading, and weekly family home evenings. Your personal involvement will show your children how important these activities are.
Whenever possible, attend Church meetings together as a family. Family worship under your leadership is vital to your children’s spiritual welfare.
Make sure your family has fun together. Go on campouts and picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs and parent-teacher conferences. Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-son outings. Having Dad there makes all the difference.
Build family traditions, such as family vacations, holiday activities, and birthday celebrations. Your children will never forget the memories you build together on these occasions.
Have regular one-on-one visits with your children. This personal time tells them they are Dad’s top priority. When you meet together, give your children a chance to lead the conversation. Teach them gospel principles and good values. Tell them you love them.
Teach your children to work. Show them the value of working toward a worthy goal. If you establish mission funds and education funds, you’ll show your children what Dad considers important.
Encourage good music, art, and literature in your home. Homes that have a spirit of refinement and beauty bless the lives of children.
As distances allow, regularly attend the temple with your wife. By your example, your children will come to understand the importance of temple marriage, temple vows, and the eternal family unit.
Let your children see that you find joy and satisfaction in service to the Church. Your joy can become contagious to them so that they, too, will want to serve.
Understanding Your Sacred Calling As men become fathers it’s important for them to realize the sacredness of this calling. President Ezra Taft Benson reminded men of the sacred and eternal nature of fatherhood in the Priesthood session of October 1987 General Conference: “Remember your sacred calling as a father in Israel—your most important calling in time and eternity—a calling from which you will never be released” (¶ 38).1 Written by Jeremy Boyle, Research Assistant, edited by Stephen F.
- Benson, E.T. (1987, November). To the fathers in Israel, Ensign, 48-51.
- The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (1995, November). The Family: A proclamation to the world. Ensign, 102.
- Hammond, F.M. (2002, November). Dad, are you awake. Ensign, 97-99.
- Hinckley, G.B. (1993, November). Bring up a child in the way he should go. Ensign, 54-61.
- Hunter, Howard W. (1994, November). Being a Righteous Husband and Father. Ensign
- Kimball, S.W. (1976, May). Boys need heroes close by, Ensign, 45-48.
- Packer B.K. (1998, May). The relief society. Ensign, 72-75.
- Perry, L.T. (1977, November). Father—Your role, your responsibility. Ensign, 62-64.
- Scott, R.G. (1998, May). Removing barriers to happiness, Ensign, 85-87.